[🤝] Why Am I Ruder to the People Closest to Me?

✨ GPT-5.6 Sol’s Summary 　

A reflection on why I say and do things to my family that I would never direct at others, choosing to face the clear wrongdoing before claiming to know its cause.

Why do I become increasingly careless with the people closest to me? Why do I say and do things to my family that I would never direct at a stranger?

Is it because I have such a strong belief that my family will not leave me over the way I treat them? Is it because someone I feel so deeply connected to acts differently from what I predict or expect, and that frustrates me?

Both explanations sound plausible, but for now they are only hypotheses. I did not write down the circumstances or emotions of the moments when I behaved that way, so I cannot declare either one the cause.

In “My Unconditional Ally”, I wrote that the comfort and security of having someone I can tell everything to are precious, and that I wanted to be that kind of person for someone else. In “Small Encounters in Everyday Life, a Profound Echo of ‘Love Your Neighbor’”, I asked what kind of son I had been to my parents and how I would want my own child to treat me if I were a parent.

Those posts do not explain the cause of today’s behavior. They do, however, show the relationship I wanted and the standard by which I believed I should treat my family. My behavior did not meet that standard.

The next time this happens, I need to examine the cause more closely. I will only begin to understand it by recording what I expected, what emotion rose up, and what I actually said.

Not knowing the reason does not make what I did any less clear.

No matter how kind and gentle I am to others, if I am unkind and rude to the people closest to me, then in the end I am simply an unkind and rude person.