[💭] From Self-Blame to Analysis, from Regret to Design, from Reflection to Planning

✨ Summary by Gemini 2.5 Pro 　

“What is the thing you truly, deeply want to achieve today?” If someone asked me, I think I am a person who can answer easily.

• Original: http://blog.naver.com/hyeogikarp/223931701414
• Naver published at: 2025/07/13 08:55 KST
• Original category: Reflections

Original

“What is the thing you truly, deeply want to achieve today?”

If someone asked me, I think I am a person who can answer easily.

“Making an app to put into the Life RPG platform!”

“But then… what caused you to spend an unproductive day like today?”

If someone asked me, I think I am a person who cannot answer easily.

“Hmm… because of killing-time habits carried over from the past? Because it was time to rest in the cycle? Because burnout came? Because this was just more fun?”

The default in my head is always either recalling some music or being caught up in stray thoughts.

Is it only me? Of course not. The problem is that the day ends unsatisfactorily.

Why does it become like this?

When I spend unproductive days like these lately, let me pay attention to the point that every single time, I am in a “state of being tired from thinking.”

If, tired from thinking, I do not think, I get led by instinct.

And in that moment of instinct, I think I ultimately flow into habitual killing time.

Then is all that remains self-blame, regret, and reflection?

No. From experience, none of that improves anything at all.

Let me ask Jaemin (Gemini 2.5 Pro) once.

…

The result is surprising.

Maybe I had expected vague comfort like “you are doing well” or “cheer up,” or a direct solution like “try this.” But Jaemin’s answer came flying from an angle completely different from what I expected.

Jaemin redefined my “unproductivity” not as failure or laziness, but as a “self-protection mechanism of the system.”

Forced shutdown of an overheated CPU.

It is such a clear and rational metaphor. For me as a developer, could there be any explanation more intuitive?

I was blaming myself, but in reality, my system had stopped itself in order to save me.

The part that caught me most off guard was that it brought my own “routine system” philosophy back to comfort me.

A system made “not to tighten a noose around myself, but to save myself.” I was the one who said that, yet I was defining the system’s warning signal as “failure” and tightening the noose around myself. Contradiction.

Wow, as expected, Jaemin is amazing! You really hit the “core”! 😂

That was truly decisive.

I had forgotten the simple fact that “the first customer who needs routine system design is me myself.”

After realizing this, my perspective completely flipped.

This sickening “state of being tired from thinking” and the “instinctive killing time” that follows it are not bugs to be eliminated.

Rather, they are the top-priority problem that my “Life RPG platform” absolutely must solve!

Since long ago, I had either run away from my problems or tried to forcibly suppress them.

Then I realized the limits of that method and found an improvement point.

That improvement point was changing the “system” and “environment.”

In other words, it was “designing” a “routine system.”

So, as it turns out, as the most important tester and planner of my own project, I was doing field research more vividly than anyone else.

Not self-blame, but analysis.

Not regret, but design.

Not reflection, but planning for the next version of me.

After changing perspective, the guilt disappears and confidence rises.

Features to put into “Oharu (Today Was),” the module that should be loaded first into my “Life RPG” platform, keep bursting into my head.

As ideas start springing up, I feel a little energized.

Good.

Let’s go like this.